Journal entry: Seasons change

Looking back at Seasons Change I can see how the inspirations that drove the poem really shine through. One being this poem:

“Of all the people you have kissed she was your favourite because she didn’t flinch when you curled your hand around her neck and tightened. She said “I break the law because I’ve never broken a heart and I want to know what it feels like to be the brick not the window pane”. When she’s drunk she’ll dress up for you, all straps & lace & stockings. When she’s high she’ll dress down for you, all skin & skin & skin.” – by Annabelle Nyst

These powerful, delicate lines have followed me for over 5 years, still affecting me each time I read them and I wanted to write a poem that carried the same energy and life (a very hard task but at least I tried).

From what started off as a few lines, my poem gained a life of its own as I got really involved with the idea that I wanted this poem to be about love, to about a relationship that goes through natural seasons. A love that grows from an intense infatuation into a mild disdain, leading to an eventual break up. I wanted this poem to really embody the imagery of earth’s four seasons (here’s hoping I achieved that??).

When I wrote “Seasons Change” in 2017, it may have been a few months after a month long romance I had that I couldn’t say inspired this poem entirely as the love presented in this poem is grounded in a long-standing relationship that I had yet to experience. But I find it so interesting how  I can transfigure my experience, of a short whirlwind romance, into a poem about a true love relationship that grew cold over time and only freedom from that relationship could bring my protagonist back to the warmth of her own self love. But I guess that’s the beauty of art and partially fictional prose.

I can relate to this poem a lot more now after recently coming out of a relationship and feeling the comfort and relief that can come from a much needed time alone. It’s interesting to think that this poem kind of foreshadows things I was yet to experience. But that could be a result of time being an illusion, that the dividing line between past, present and future is an illusion, that everything that has happened or will happen is happening right now in this very moment but we are unable to perceive it. But I digress…

This poem is about a seasonal love affair that contains the same torrid energy as the weather, holding the same beauty and inescapably mystery.

Your Truly,

Ruth Elora -x-

P.S. Read ‘Seasons Change‘ if you haven’t yet, love ya xx

 

Seasons Change

You were my climate

I would bend & yield to your slightest variation

When you were my sun, I would dress down for you, all skin, melanin, exposure

Blanketed by your warmth

 I vacationed in your love

 

Until the season called for your coldness

I would grimace & endure your presence

Like a sore throat in recovery

 

The autumns of your indifference

Brought with it a kaleidoscope of mystery

As the leaves fell from our dreams

Unrealised

We marvelled at the unsettling paradox

That the beauty of our ideals may never be fully actualised

But the beauty stands unwavering

All the same

 

The winter of our love

Brought with it a necessary mourning

As I purged you, heart and soul

Piercing through with icy precision

I allowed it to hurt

I gloried in the courage it took to brave your coldness

To endure

Until the last morsel of this blizzarding love

Melted away

 

Bringing forth a spring of reflection

Of clarity

As I meditated on all the reasons I had to leave:

That no matter how hard I adapt

To your vicissitudes

Your endless variations

I found myself staring

Perpetually

At this ticket back

To myself

 

For my heart is a tropical island

Of dreams & beauty & irresistible warmth

Until my rain comes like a hot baptism

Ready to cleanse & make a new

To saver in the promise of a warmer tomorrow

 

And for now, maybe that’s what I need more

As I vacationed in your temperate maritime climate

It is time for this sojourning solider to return home

Kaleidoscope

Loving you

With this kaleidoscope view

Of haunting visions

Misleading me & you

But caught up in the passion

Of the red & blues

Entranced by the mystery

And drowning in a history

Of powders, pills & booze

 

Consciousness – in & out we fly

We swallow up weeks

As we soar through the sky

And in my mind’s eye

I see you

Dancing in transition

Flickering red & blue

A dizzying display

As you multiply from one to two

To an endless supply of you

 

Of this haze

Filling my days

With dreams & nightmares

That torment when I crave

My next ticket

Soaring up high

Together, you & I

We’ll reinvent the meaning

Of floating

Through this life

 

Cheers to crashing countlessly

From the great heights we soar

For I remember truly

Loving you was an emotional war

 

For my unwavering patriotism

I refuse to leave

And as long as my lungs allow me to breathe

And as long as my veins bleed

Blue

I will continue

Continue

Loving you

With this kaleidoscope view

Of haunting visions

Misleading me & you

To a grave uncertain, but coming, but true

No Greater Love

When seeking solace, I sit in solitude

Sufficed alone by the timeless, the biblical, the true

Surrendered, wholly , I follow the call of a heart pursued;

 

For this Love, it leaps through the lines,

Your presence, it penetrates my pain,

Your call, it brought me to these rhymes;

 

And, overwhelmed, undeserving, of this Love so true.

By your Grace alone do I live through;

With these tears, baptismal, I awe at this great gift of You.

Hands

I can tell you I love you

With just my hands

As my finger traces the silhouette

On your skin

As I lace my fingers through yours

So you are reminded, in that moment

Together

We face the world

 

My hands speak truer words than my lips

As they caress your face

I am certain there is a language

Through which my hands speak

 

And when we’re alone

Cocooned in sheets

Every touch is intensified

Electrified with every embrace

 

I grasp

Overwhelmed by the alchemy my hands make

Enchanted by

The sheer majesty the light

Our love creates

Misconceptions about Love

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Ask for Love

In its truest, purest form.

Ask for it.

But be prepared for the soul-shaking storms that come.

Love never promised to constantly satisfy

To meet your every need

To attend to your every desire

Because if that is what you seek,

Love is not what you are looking for.

Love is not what you are looking for

Because

When the storms come

When the thunder quakes your life

And the lightning dismantles your heart;

You will cry to the Creator

The Giver of your request

And question Love’s sincerity

Because you did not ask for pain,

You did not ask for agony,

You did not ask for a storm to destroy the very fabric of your being.

What fools we are, asking for what we do not know.

Naive in believing the tales of eternal sunshine

Because the pain is a part of love, the misery, the endurance.

Love is long suffering,

Didn’t anyone ever tell you that?

Love is beautiful, yet annihilating.

It will kill your ego, your prior illusory self-concept

Until you are no longer you

But two.

 

So the next time you wail in dismay

At the sorrows that come as God rips a rib from your chest.

Do not lament

Be wise

You cannot experience metamorphic change without pain.

If love is what you are after

Love in its truest, purest form

Brace yourself before you ask

Brace yourself

It is more than worth it.

 

Born of The Same Star

 

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Our kiss held the perfect balance of

Swirling excitement

And

Giddish nerves

That ignited life back into every cell of my body,

The type of kiss that travels through you;

That takes you over

And leaves you breathless and disorientated.

 

What a power you have over me.

 

T’was as if

Before our kiss

The universe was preparing me for you,

As if God was leaving a trail of bread crumbs

To your lips.

O, my sweet sin, my glorious salvation

May my lips know nothing more than your touch.

 

All the moments before

Echoed promises of some sweet delight

Soon to greet me,

I saw three rainbows that week

And the moon was full of wondrous

Anticipation

Of loves tender arrival.

 

Passion is the nectar of the Angels,

Some say,

And our fire left the heavens rejoicing.

The sky withheld no beauty,

Looking up at the dazzling stars

Your eyes were all I could see.

Truly beguiling;

The shine and sparkle of your hazel hues

Became my constellations

My personal galaxy.

 

Time was immeasurable

Within the capsule of your embrace,

I felt my forever in that moment

As I learnt love’s breath and taste.

I felt my forever in your arms,

Unravelling a pre-ordained truth.

 

Our connection is rudimentary

Cultivated from afar,

Our souls were born of the same star.

 

The poetry of heaven;

The jewels of night

We, our love, are of that celestial light.

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